Summertime Blues

24Jul10

Yesterday ended up being kind of a depressing day.  I got up early to ride with my hubby to drop off the kids at day camp, and then we had an hour and a half to kill before my doctor’s appointment.  We went for coffee, which was pleasant.  I was sitting in the cafe watching the workers, and it made me really sad.  I miss working.  It takes so much for me to live my life and keep my days on track so I have something to give my kids.  I just don’t know where I could fit a job in.  I remember before my children were born, I would come home and go right to bed – I just needed that much rest and rejuvenation to keep going on a daily basis.  I’m able to take 2-3 hour afternoon naps now.  Those are so necessary to my well being – I don’t know if it’s the medication I’m on or what.  Just watching the barista work, I wondered how long I would last standing up behind a counter.  Would I even make it for 15 minutes before my back and hip were screaming for mercy?  It made me a little wistful.  I try to embrace the new status quo, but that doesn’t make the wishes for total normalcy and autonomy go away.

After my doctor’s visit, we stopped to pick up some groceries.  It made things very clear as to why I don’t participate in this activity.  Aside from the aches and pains, blah blah, I was glad to get in some movement, though.  The store was very cold.  Once I hit the freezer section my body was just in total spasm.  It made me think of what’s to come when the weather turns.  Things are all very sweet and I can seem to do so much more in the summer, but once the chill hits the air my body revolts and I have an even harder time with daily tasks.  I much prefer to live in denial and have that a surprise every year.  I hate to live with dread.

So, yesterday was kind of a dud, but I did get up this morning after a brief lie-in and do some time on the Wii Fit.  I did some strength training and added an extra 2 minutes of aerobic activity to make up for it, but by the time I got to the extra time my toes were getting caught on the board.  I think my legs were a bit tired.  Ah, progress!  I have made some.  I used to have to sit down between activities and now I can stand for the full 10 minutes while I do things.  That’s very good for me.  I still have to be very slow and deliberate, and likely always will be, but I can live with that.

Be well.

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